


Lonely Hearts

by orphan_account



Category: IT Crowd
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-13 22:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14757170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Women don't want gentlemen, they want bullies and thugs."Roy's words come back to haunt him in the form of Maurice Moss. Because, as it turns out, Roy is the same.





	Lonely Hearts

 

 

 

 

Roy knows _exactly_ what women want.

They all want bastards.

As evidenced by his last three girlfriends and the enormity of his failed relationships.

Roy is a gentleman. Roy opens doors for women and gives them his coat when they're cold and buys dinner and makes sure they get home alright and for once would it kill one of them just to think of him? If he's gotten home alright?

It's too much to ask, most probably. It's the man's job to protect, after all.

And Roy would protect them - he would. And he doesn't need to be a bastard to prove it. Because that has to be why women like bullies, right? Why they like pushy Alpha males? Because - mistakenly - they think it somehow equates with the ability to protect?

Or maybe they think it's just so manly that they can speak their mind? And Roy _would_ but there's such a thing as being too honest and hurting someone's feelings.

Case in point:

"Why are you wearing that Roy? Did one of your girlfriends tell you it looked good? Because I can most certainly assure you it does not. You should change."

Moss' expression is resolute, as if there isn't a doubt that he will be immediately obeyed. It irks Roy to an extent - and honestly, he feels a little hurt. Sure, turquoise isn't exactly his color - isn't anyone's - but Roy had thought that the pullover wasn't all that bad.

He gruffs a little, hides whatever petty embarrassment and hurt he's feeling, but eventually he takes it off.

Moss smiles at him deftly from across the room.

"That's much better Roy."

Roy tries not to respond positively to the - frankly - _worthless_ praise.

He can't help that it makes him feel a little funny.

Moss' words are certainly not those of a gentleman. But Roy isn't a girl. And perhaps if Moss treated women this way, he'd have one. Instead, Roy laments, he's too much of a gentleman to attract the ladies and Moss' 'sexy' aggression is completely and ineptly turned in the wrong direction.

 

 

 

It's the wall thing that really does it.

When Moss presses him, all rush and force, into the wall and _kisses_ him. The feel of it. The hard press of Moss' mouth against his, the press of his body and the hint of a tongue tracing along the seam of Roy's lips.

There's no other description for Moss' behaviour other than _Bastardly_.

And if Roy was a woman, well he'd be in real trouble then.

He'd no doubt be stuck on how commandingly Moss took control over the situation, how competently.

Roy finds his cheeks heat whenever he thinks about it.

Something like heat sweeps up his spine too.

Once again, Moss' is all turned around. Roy laments that Moss would be so dateable if only he'd show women that side of himself.

And Moss is the kind of guy Roy is pitted against in the dating world.

Only Moss isn't really like those guys.

He's sweet and he has weaknesses too.

It's only sometimes that he's a bastard.

Like when he walks in the next morning and says - in front of Jen, Richmond and God -

"You know, you really tasted like cherry Roy. I got to thinking about it and realized I couldn't think of one reason why. Your lip balm is mint."

"Excuse me - kissed?!" Jen exclaims, in her way.

"Now, it's not what you're thinking Jen!" Roy immediately denies. And really, Moss is setting him up to look like some tart. "It was only under extreme duress!"

"So you did kiss him?"

"Well -"

"Oh yes Jen." Moss says, matter of fact and Roy could honestly throttle him, "He was very skittish, but I've had worse."

"Skittish!" Roy spits before he catches himself.

It really shouldn't matter.

"Like you have so much experience anyway Moss!" Roy amends.

"More than you I'll bet." Moss intones smoothly.

Impossible. It's impossible.

Roy really finds he has nothing to say to that.

Jen's eyebrows slowly crawl their way up in wonderment.

Richmond says nothing.

 

 

It all comes to a head during videogame night.

They're sitting on the floor, playing mario kart, and Moss is winning. Obnoxiously so.

"Are you sure you've played this before?" He says, quite superior.

And it's not Roy's fault he's loosing. It's really not.

Only - it's that Moss is close. And he leans sometimes so that he's closer and Roy can smell his cologne - just there.

And Roy has tidied a bit before Moss came over - he doesn't know why.

"I'm just having an off day." Roy defends, of his abysmal playing. It's hard to concentrate.

"I'm sure you are."

"Look at you, so smug." Roy bites out unhappily.

It's honestly a shock when Moss leans over, pushes him hard into the couch, and attacks his mouth.

"Wha-what are you doing?" Roy manages to squeak out between kisses.

"You don't know?" Moss asks condescendingly. But when Roy doesn't answer he pulls back, "Do you want me to stop? Your face is all red."

Moss' glasses are askew on his face. It's endearing, somehow.

"You're being...really..." Roy hardly knows what he's saying.

He can hardly believe any of this is real.

"I thought you liked that?" Moss asks, most serious. "You respond well to aggression."

And as Moss is saying it, he's placing a hand high on Roy's thigh and _kneading_.

Roy squeaks, undignified. He bites his lip though and it's disturbing to realize Moss is watching with intent.

It causes a swell of heat in Roy's stomach.

"Do you want me to stop?" Moss asks again, and begins to pull away.

"No." Roy says and his voice is so high, it can't be natural.

"Okay then." Moss smiles and waggles his eyebrows. "You just let me take care of it all Roy. You don't worry your pretty little head about a thing."

And Roy gets the appeal, quite suddenly, of bad boys with bad behavior.

It's like bittersweet chocolate. The bitter only makes the sweet parts sweeter.

Roy realizes he's in trouble.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
